


You Don't Think You Deserve to Be Saved?

by LokiNeedsHugs1031



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternative ending to Hell's Angel, Dean Loves Cas, Dean Winchester Realizes His Feelings For Castiel, Dean makes it right, Dean stops being an ass, Dean tells Cas finally, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Episode: s04e01 Lazarus Rising, Episode: s11e18 Hell's Angel, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Loving Dean Winchester, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Romance, Season 11 Supernatural, Tumblr Prompt, You don't think you deserve to be saved?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 07:57:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7426600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiNeedsHugs1031/pseuds/LokiNeedsHugs1031
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas' words to Dean, from Season 4, come back to save him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Don't Think You Deserve to Be Saved?

**Author's Note:**

> As per usual, found a tumblr post and wrote more Cas being cast from Lucifer <3 tell me what you think!!!!

            Dean’s ear’s rang loudly as he was shoved against the stony surface of the Bunker wall, in fact he had to struggle to stay conscious. Eyes rolling back in his head for a moment and his heart plummeted when he heard Sam shout, “Dean, that’s not Cas!!!!!” as Dean slowly looked to ‘Cas’ standing beside him, hand still gripping his shoulder from the time hop trip back, a realization began to wash over him like dirty water. How had he not seen it? All this time? Since they returned from hell, he should have known. Everything was a blur after that. His eyes cutting to Sam, hand drenched in blood and then ‘Cas’ voice screaming out in pain as he was banished. Gone.

~~~~~~~~~

            Standing on the docks, bleak, clouds hovering overhead, Sam shook his head as he handed a beer to Dean, “What do we do?”

            Dean roughly cleared his throat, “What else, we hunt Lucifer, trap the bastard and save Cas.”

            Sam bit at his bottom lip, shifting with unease, “Cas may not come back willingly.”

            “Not possible,” Dean argued, “Of course he will, it’s ridiculous. What made him do this?!”

            “Dean,” Sam took a breath, trying his best to school his face into indifference, “Why wouldn’t he?”

            “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Dean spat, taking a deep drawl from his beer.

            “You haven’t exactly been nice to him lately, I mean, with Metatron, and the whole getting rid of the mark? He was trying to help and you treat him like shit, you make him think he’s useless and then you’re surprised that he takes on the ONE role that could help kill the darkness?” Sam huffed, sipping his beer as well, “I may be a shitty friend, I know it, but you? Dude, you don’t see it. You’ve never seen it…”

            “Again what the fuck is that supposed to mean, asshole?!” Dean spat, throwing the glass to the ground.

            Sam shot up from his seat, “I’m talking about how you feel about him and how you’re ignoring it and burying it like the closeted jerk that you are! You care for him man, more than you’re willing to admit and that’s why you lash out when he doesn’t do what you ‘think he should do’. He let Metatron go because he saw himself in the man, Metatron is human now, harmless, and it took everything Cas had to step outside this bunker and confront him, and you treated him like a fucking child! But I know you! You’re so scared of losing him right now you have no clue as to how to react, and you’ve also buried all those stupid feelings about him with ‘screaming’ because it was easier. But now he’s almost gone, Dean, dead, taken over by the Devil, a thing that consumed me. You gotta step up, you have to convince him this isn’t right!”

            “With everything you just said, how the fuck am I gonna convince him of that?!” Dean found himself panting, he’d filed through everything Sam had said, and THAT was his response? How would he convince him? Cas? Shit.

            “Cas loves you,” Sam lowered his tone, but none the less his conviction held strong, “He loves you Dean, don’t you get that? You need to convince him of THAT. If you don’t, Lucifer is gonna consume him from the inside out…I know…I know how this works. Lucifer makes you think all of it is the right thing to do, that your sacrifice is safe, he’ll repay…but he doesn’t. Dean…”

            “I know,” Dean’s voice cracked, and both hands were over his face, trying desperately to stop the sudden urgency to cry, “I don’t know how man, I don’t…”

            “Dean,” Sam began, moving forward, “You can, I know you can. The moment you two met, you were similar. You never thought you deserved him, make him believe he deserves you…”

            “We gotta get him back,” Dean said, tearing at the label of the beer bottle in his hand, “Sam…”

            “We will Dean, we’ll get him back,” Sam said resolutely.

~~~~~~~~~

            The ring of fire, the smell of holy oil burning into Dean’s nostrils was nearly blinding, Lucifer was stealing the perfect, graveled and rough voice that was Cas. And Dean was seething. As the seal bound Lucifer, Dean moved as close as he could, as close as he was allowed.

            “Cas, I know you’re in there, I know you can hear me,” Dean spat roughly, “Cas!”

            “You really think he cares what you have to say? At all?” Lucifer crooned, “You’ve damaged this one buddy boy, broken in every sense of the word.”

            “No, no he’s not! Cas!”

            “Cas!” Lucifer cried in mocking, “He’s in here Dean, and so, so unconvinced that you give more than two shits about him.”

            “Cas, you have to come forward, talk to me Castiel, talk to me!” Dean screamed, the toes of his shoes skimming the lip of the flames.

            “What good would it do Dean?” Lucifer said, shaking his head, clicking his tongue, “After everything you’ve put him through, the coldness, the rejection, fuck, you booting him out of the bunker was a kicker that even I wouldn’t have done. That, that my friend was cruel. I’ve never been human, but I can only imagine.” his face went serious, “You did that Dean, you caused that kind of pain. How can you even, for a moment, wonder why he said yes?”

            Dean’s stomach dropped, “I know, I know Cas, I know I fucked up. There’s no excuse,” tears were now clogging his throat, “I wanna make it right though, I can do that, I promise.”

            Lucifer scoffed, shaking his head, “Winchester promises….no Dean, he doesn’t believe you. He doesn’t,” he shrugged, “But you know what? I’m gonna give you a chance, as slim as it may be, I’ve always been an optimist.”

            Dean watched as Cas’ demeanor shook and his face cringed and changed, posture still stiff and controlled behind the flames. And then his crystal blue eyes were blinking with confusion and darting around the warehouse, “D-Dean?”  
            “Cas, hey, hey it’s me,” Dean almost crossed the flames, “You hear me?”

            “Yes, I hear you, why am I hear…Lucifer…”

            “Cas, you need to listen to me now, kick him out, now, kick him out!” Dean growled.

            “Why?!” Cas spat back, “I’m doing what must be done! I’m being useful Dean! Useful! I’ve never been very useful, have I not, Dean?! You’ve told me on more than one occasion, this needs to be done. I’m useless otherwise, powerless, broken….so…useless…”

            “Cas, look at me,” Dean licked at his lips, hands out, wanting to reach and knowing he couldn’t, “Look at me.”

            Cas finally lifted his head eyes narrowed, “What…makes you think that I need to be brought up from this? This pit? Lucifer taking me…I don’t…I don’t deserve…”

            “Cas…Jesus… don’t you think you deserve to be saved?” and once more Dean’s stomach dropped, “Cas, you deserve to be saved, you don’t deserve this…we’ll find another way…you and me…I’m not letting you go again, you got that? Cast his fucking ass out!”

            “Dean…” Cas trembled, brow breaking and lips trembling, “You think you can try to convince me of something I have tried countlessly to convince you?”

            “Cas, you’re better than me and you should know it…you’re always thinking of the greater good and you try your best. You’ve always tried to heal the hurt, fix heaven, earth, Sammy, me. You do not deserve this!” he screamed.

            “Why? Why don’t I deserve this? I am giving myself up for this ‘greater good’ this is all I am worth.”

            “No, you’re not! This isn’t all you’re worth, damnitt Cas!” Dean shouted, and then he was beyond the flames, he could feel the heat on his clothes, licking at his flesh, but all he could care about was his hands clutching in the sleeves of Cas’ coat, “You’re worth so much more than this. You’re not just a fucking vessel!! I’m so sorry I was the one to make you think that…it wasn’t the Angels, it wasn’t Sam, fuck, it wasn’t Metatron, it was me!”

            Cas opened his mouth to speak but his throat went dry, “What are you trying to say, Dean, I don’t have much time.”

            “Cas, goddamnitt, don’t you dare…”

            “Why?!” Cas growled, “Why shouldn’t I ‘dare’” he flinched violently when he felt Lucifer’s pull.

            “Castiel, please, please, look at me, you told me once, that I didn’t think I was worth being saved. What makes you any different?! You ARE worth being saved, and I want to be the one that does so! Fuck! I won’t let you be hurt anymore, I can’t, and I’m such a fucking idiot that it took me this long to see that…no, that’s a lie, I saw it, but I wouldn’t acknowledge it because I’m an asshole. I should have been there, every moment, when you were hurting, stopped you when I knew you were at your wits end. I didn’t! But I’m doing it now, Cas, cast him out, cast him out!”

            “Dean,” Cas whimpered, shaking his head, “I-I don’t know if I believe you…I’m so tired…of being a tool…”

            “Cas,” Dean moved closer and he took the chance of taking Cas’ face firmly in both hands, “You’re not a tool, you’ve never been a tool, and if I made you think that…it’s on me, not you, and I’m sorry. I care so much about you; I’ve barely been able to function without you. Please…” a sob worked its way up his throat like a hiccup, “Please Cas, please,” he leaned forward and pressed lips to his forehead and he stayed there for several seconds, and then moved, carefully, lips over the bridge of his nose, to one cheek and then the other, and then with a trembling that threatened to take over his entire frame he joined their lips. It was chaste, in every sense of the word, he nudged gently against the opening of his lips, begging entrance and Cas complied. And when their tongues met, Cas slumped slightly, falling against Dean. With no more words a bright light engulfed the warehouse. Dean clutched at Cas’ body that went completely limp, they nearly both slumped to the floor.

            The fire died out and there was silence, only the distant, chirping crickets and, soft, huffing breathing of the others in the room. Dean ignored all of them, he pulled Cas into his lap and wouldn’t let go. He could feel Cas breathing, slowly, in and out, his face pressed to Dean’s neck.

            “Cas,” Dean whispered, “Hey,” he spoke more firmly, “You with me?”  
            Cas wouldn’t look up but Dean felt him nod.

            “Why don’t we go home? Huh?” Dean offered, running both hands up and down Cas’ back, “Let’s go home.”

            “What’s home?” Cas whimpered.

            “The bunker, where you’ve always belonged,” Dean answered, he kissed his temple, moving one hand up to thread through his dark hair, “Something else I should have said. Took me until now, too many years too late, buddy. Too many…”

            “I’m tired,” Cas shuddered, arms winding tightly around Dean. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to shout and scream, and he would. Eventually. But now? He only wanted this to be over. Lucifer had tricked him into thinking there was a solution, and it had taken Dean’s pleading to convince him that no, it wasn’t, he’d simply failed once more to see the bad in someone. The entirety of ‘bad’.

            “I know you are, come on,” Dean heaved him up from the ground, eyes finally cutting to Crowley, Rowena and Sam. Sam. Who was only smiling just as softly and exhausted like.

            “Yeah, let’s go home,” Sam offered, “We’ll figure something out.”

            Dean said nothing more, arm around Cas’ waist he bypassed looks from Crowley and Rowena and led Cas to the car. He tossed keys to Sam and settled in the back with his angel. No embarrassment and no shame, he gathered Cas close, right to his side and delivered endlessly careful kisses of relief to his mussed hair. Cas was here. In his arms, unharmed, relatively that was, “Take us home Sammy.”

 

            The hightailed it to the Bat Cave. Little was said, because honestly, what was there to say? Sam parked the car, at first Dean hesitated, as he glanced sideways to the lulling gaze of Cas, “Hey,” Dean spoke up, fingers brushing one cheek, “Let’s get inside, you okay?” he knew it was a dumb question and he cringed once it was let loose.

            “Simply tired,” Cas replied, face plastered to Dean’s shoulder.

            “Okay, we can fix that, bedtime,” Dean said, reluctantly pulling away, shimmying out of the car, tugging Cas with him.

            “Cas, don’t ever do anything like that again,” Sam said as soon as they hit the main room, he turned and wrapped Cas in a tight hug, nearly knocking the angel off his feet, “Get some rest, huh? You’re safe here, just, chill out…please.”

            “Yes, Sam,” Cas answered, blinking rapidly, “I’ll try.”

            “Night guys,” Sam gave a tired smile and descended down the hallway.

            Dean had yet to really let go of Cas, one hand still clutched in his own, “You need something? Water? Tea? Whiskey?”

            Cas managed a smirk, “No thank you, I’m tired,” his gaze lowered, “Just so very tired.”

            “That I can help with, come on,” he laced their fingers together and led them towards his bedroom, “You can take another room if you want,” Dean added with a frown, “I mean, I wasn’t gonna make you…”

            “No, I wish to stay with you Dean, please,” Cas added quickly.

            For a moment Dean’s face was graced with a smile, “Good, I-I hoped you’d say that.”

            Cas knew he was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, as always not sure what to do.

            “Cas,” Dean moved forward, “Layers off,” he slipped both thumbs beneath the lip of the trench coat and shrugged it off his shoulders, carefully folding it and setting it to a nearby chair, “Suit too sweetheart, you can’t sleep in that.” the endearment slipped so easily both men blushed.

            Cas did as told and shed his clothes, one layer at a time, until he was in an undershirt and his boxers.

            “You want some of my stuff?”

            “This will suffice.”

            Dean grinned, motioning with his hands, “Get in bed then, angel.” he turned the main light off and lit the dim lamp on the side table. He pulled back the sheets just as Cas sat on the edge of the bed. “Get comfortable, you know how to do that right?”

            “I _have_ been human Dean,” Cas countered, working his way underneath the sheets.

            “Yeah, yeah I know,” Dean sighed, eyes closing for a moment, he turned his head, hoping Cas would do the same, “Cas…”

            “Yes, Dean,” Cas licked his lips, eyes narrowing slightly.

            “Don’t ever do anything like that again,” Dean took a trembling breath, “I-I can’t keep…I mean…I can’t survive this anymore…you running off…or you disappearing…or,” he swallowed with the words of ‘death’ he didn’t want to utter, “Cas, stay with me, please, I can’t lose you again.”

            “Dean,” Cas’ signature gruff voice broke the silence, “I never wished to leave you…in all the times I _did_ leave, it was not because I wanted to.” without being asked he crawled closer to Dean and burrowed his face against Dean’s chest, arm draping around his torso and sealing them together with an entanglement of limbs, “I have always wished to be at your side.”

            Dean swallowed roughly, nose now deftly buried in Cas’ messy hair, inhaling the sweet scent of Cas’ dark locks, “Same, don’t ever leave, not anymore, I need you here. No matter what big bad, what monster…we’re stopping this now. You and me…you’re it for me, got it?”

            “Yes, Dean,” Cas murmured, voice already slurring, face now in the space of Dean’s neck and shoulder, nearly on top of the man, “I think I might sleep…”

            “Then sleep sweetheart,” Dean kissed him again, tugging the covers up farther up Cas’ back, both arms locked around the slighter man’s form. For the first time since he and Sam had sat on that dock, Dean felt some kind of peace. No matter what was out there, he had Cas safe and close. And no matter what other bullshit was going on. This was all that mattered.

           


End file.
